Jasmine Hart

Hi, I really enjoyed this. Your imagery is great. I especially liked the first stanza and; "where it smothered the marigold rising out of a sidewalk crack" and "knit myself ...

Hi, I love the contrast between the good qualities, the flaws, and the final line. I'd make them into stanzas, so the good qualities, the flaws and the last line ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The form works really nicely and gives this a real energy. I love "spiral upward". I'd cut references to darkness, light and the soul and ...

Hi, I thought the second stanza worked very well in terms of sound. This felt a bit disjointed to me. The repetition got monotonous and I don't think it really ...

Hi, Your imagery is really beautiful. I especially like "blue evening glow" and "listening to the sprinklers hit the tree trunks". I think the first stanza is really great. I'd ...

Hi, I like the contrast between "witching hour" and more familiar images like "I poured the lemonade and the vodka". I'd change "table made of wood" to "wooden table" because ...

Hi, You create a very visual image. I'd change the layout of this to make it easier to read, for example; "Cold fingers traveled the length of her bronzed narrow ...

Hi, I like the idea here and the final image is great. I'd try rewriting this with less direct commentary, for example, instead of telling the reader "All I see ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this, it's a great story, very well told and the form compliments it. I love "still as fallen snow" and the ending is brilliant-not at all ...

Hi Amylith, I think the first two lines are great. I really love "teach me to love the sting of their thorns." I'd cut "For" as it sounds archaic and ...

Hi, your imagery is fabulous. I love "seaweed sways" and "seaweed swallows", and the sibilance works beautifully here. The last three lines are very powerful. I'd add punctuation, but that's ...

Hi, I think the tone works really well here. The questions really drew me in, and I love how the first two mirror each other in their sound. I think ...

Hi, I like how you've broken up the stanzas to reflect each new stage in the poem. You switch between past and present tense. I think the past tense is ...

Hi, I love the internal rhyme of "muttered in utter". I also like how it is Love being addressed. I'd put an ellipses instead of a comma after "ask". The ...

Hi, I really loved the third stanza. I love how you capture a moment in time. I'd cut out anything that sounds like something you've read before, for example references ...